FAIRBANKS, Alaska (Marco.org) - The International Solitaire Society (ISS) has issued a strongly worded statement denouncing Microsoft's latest Solitaire release. Some critics have referred to a number of features, such as international rankings and the animated "Solitaire Assistant™", as "antithetical to the nature of Solitaire."
Microsoft spokesperson Earl Focht responded by criticizing the ISS's "strict construction of the nature of Solitaire." He explained that "the [nature of Solitaire] is not limited to some dusty, 200-year-old document. Rather, it is a living concept, molding and adapting to the contemporary realities [of Solitaire]." One reality of Solitaire, reflected by the Solitaire Assistant™, was the presence of somebody looking over your shoulder and telling you which card to put where.
According to Microsoft, Solitaire 6.0 comes with a many other new features. The AutoPlay™ feature anticipates moves a player intends to make, thereby increasing productivity. InstantHelp™ will allow Microsoft troubleshooters to remotely control the PC to assist players when they are stuck. InstantHelp™ can also help consumers install other great Microsoft products. Automatic Updates can automatically patch the massive security flaws in the game. Microsoft will also reward successful players (and console failing players) by popping up a bubble offering a free .NET Passport and changing the default search engine to MSN.com.
Some senior members of the ISS disagreed with the group's condemnation, splitting off and forming the independent People's International Solitaire Society, a new organization that rejects the parent group's "archaic and anti-social" view of Solitaire. The People's International Solitaire Society believes it is time for Solitaire players to embrace technological innovations such as the internet and "friends."
The United People's Front of Solitaire, a radical Solitaire group that the United States government has put on its list of "most irrelevant terrorist groups", has also denounced the program, reiterating its threat to "wash the streets with blood until electronic Solitaire is driven into the Recycling Bin." The United People's Front of Solitaire is best known for its modification of the traditional 52-card deck. In the UPFS deck, the Jacks carry AK-47s and the suicide king is mysteriously missing.
ISS has issued a statement saying, "While judging, condemning, or looking at others is contrary to the nature of Solitaire, we worry that the United People's Front of Solitaire may not be playing with a full deck."