Who Wants to Be a Cuban Dictator?

HAVANA, CUBA - Following the lead of several US-based television shows, Cuban dictator Fidel Castro will be choosing a successor in a new CBS reality TV series entitled “The Next Big Dictator!”

Contestants will compete in various activities essential to the running of the Cuban government, such as recruiting the most investors for narcotics activities or executing a specified number of political prisoners in the shortest amount of time. At the end of each episode, Dictator Castro will select two contestants to face off in armed combat. The survivor rejoins the remaining hopefuls.

International economist Earl Focht explains Dictator Castro’s sudden change of heart about the future of his country:

“He is getting older, you know? And Cuba is still a very small country. I’m sure that doesn’t sit well with him. Part of becoming a dictator, it’s all about growth. Expansion, taking over the world, that sort of thing. Mr. Castro is still constrained by the boundaries of his island, and he’s ready to pass on the reins and let someone else jump-start the deflated balloon of Cuba’s economy. By signing this contract with CBS, he brings in more revenue for the country and promotes more cultural trade with the US. And that’s important. He needs to show the US that Cuba is a cultural equal, and what better way to do that than with reality TV?”

The show is scheduled to air at 7:00 PM Cuban time starting September 8th. Officials in both the US and Cuban governments refused to comment about the new show, but taping has been underway for several weeks. Preliminary reports indicate contestants were selected on the basis of a video, a personal interview, and previous mental instability.