Review: Marco's Best Egg Salad Ever

Inspired by an empty stomach, I decided to attempt to replicate Marco's "Best Egg Salad Ever". Because Marco's recipe wasn't particularly exact regarding quantities, I did my best job to guess what they were. I made a few substitutions due to ingredient and appliance availability. I also halved the recipe to minimize waste in case it didn't come out well. (And because I only had four eggs.)

Mashed 4 peeled, hard-boiled eggs with:
1 heaping tablespoon of mayonnaise
1 rounded tablespoon of mustard
2 rounded tablespoons of ranch dressing
1/2 teaspoon of salt
1/2 teaspoon of pepper (after testing, the recommended amount is 1/4 teaspoon of pepper)
1/2 teaspoon of dried onion flakes (substituted for Marco's "lots of onion powder")
1/8 teaspoon of garlic powder (partial substitution for seasoned salt)
1/8 teaspoon of mustard powder (partial substitution for seasoned salt)

Unfortunately, I had trouble deciding on what unit to benchmark egg salad in. Thus, I'll tell you the tests I performed and their results.

Test One: In a Sandwich
For this test, I created a sandwich consisting of a German dark wheat bread and a healthy layer of the egg salad. Initially I was worried about the creation. Had I just created what amounted to a ranch dressing sandwich? Despite my reservations, it came out well - though the bread had enough flavor that it nearly dominated the egg salad. A regular egg salad might have been lost.

Test Two: On a Cracker
For this test, I put about 1 teaspoon of Marco's "Best Egg Salad Ever" on a 1.5 inch multi-grain cracker. I repeated this procedure twelve times then ate some of them. The salad had the proper consistency to stay on the cracker without running or falling off. The egg-salad crackers tasted fairly good. A moment after absorbing the main flavor, the ranch dressing flavor hit. Then the pepper. If you create this salad, I recommend using no more than 1/4 teaspoon of pepper.

Test Three: Jeff
I fed one of the egg-salad crackers to a housemate, Jeff. His verbatim reaction was "Hmmm. I'm not sure what I think. It tastes like a combination of a bunch of flavors I know. Maybe egg and vinegar." When I told him why I had just forced him to eat a cracker with a mysterious substance on it, he said, "I can identify it as egg salad... in hindsight."

Test Four: Carolyn
In a final test, I fed one of the egg-salad crackers to my wife, Carolyn, who can and does tell me what she thinks of my cooking. Considering I had to wake her up to feed her the cracker, it may not reflect one way or another on her response, "What is it?" When asked if she wanted another, she shrugged and rolled over. I fed her another one and asked what she thought. She made the universal "so-so" gesture and went back to sleep.

A Final Test: What I Plan To Do with the Rest of the Salad
There is still a fair amount of the egg salad left. I plan to refrigerate it and use some of it a sandwich tomorrow. I might chop up some celery to give it a bit of variety. I will probably eat some carrots with the egg salad to further my complete meal. The title of this test should indicate an overall neutral to positive result. A stellar result would have included a number of additional tests to be conducted immediately with titles like "Test Five: On a Spoon" and "Test Six: In Pasta." A poor result would have concluded with "Test Five: The Dog" and "Test Six: The Garbage Disposal."

Rated 3/5


The salad is not too loose or too firm. It has a goop texture and a shredded egg texture but could really use a bit of crunch. If the salad is eaten on a cracker, the cracker texture could make up for this deficiency. A bit of chopped celery might have improved its performance in the sandwich test.

Rated 2/5


The overwhelming smell is one of egg and ranch dressing. It's certainly not an expected egg salad smell. It's not necessarily bad - but it's definitely not a selling point.

Rated 4/5


I found the egg salad quite tasty, though it suffered mixed results in the Jeff and Carolyn tests.

Rated 4/5


While the aftertaste of the salad was not particularly pleasing, it was at least neutral. As I mixed the ingredients together, I was somewhat worried about this aspect. Thus, the egg salad gets a four out of five for the pleasing surprise of not having a disgusting aftertaste.

Rated 2/5

Nutritional Value

It has a bit of protein and no carcinogens that I'm aware of. But that's all I can say for it. On the other hand, it's egg salad - so it's never going to be great for you.

Rated 3/5


I would recommend Marco's "Best Egg Salad Ever" if you are looking for a slightly more flavorful egg salad. With a few slight tweaks, such as lowering the ranch dressing level and adding some celery for extra texture, the recipe could easily be a 4/5.