New Study Finds Internet Not a Minivan Either

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A new study recently released Wednesday by the Association for Republican Scientific Endeavors (ARSE) has concluded that the Internet is also not a minivan. This adds to the growing list of things the Internet is known not to be.

"This area of research is really exploding," said Earl Focht, ARSE leader. "The internet's not a truck, not an SUV. A study due out in a couple weeks is investigating whether the internet is an SUV." This series of studies has raised serious doubts about whether the internet is even road-worthy. If not, it may be unsafe for it to travel on the information superhighway. "My suspicion," Focht added, "is that the Internet is a tandem bicycle."

A senior Republican, who wished to remain brainless, commented, "As you know, many conservative congressmen are huge supporters of ARSE. Whenever one of them takes the floor, you never know what he'll pull out of their ARSE. For example, some amazing new findings like this are absolutely spewing out of Ted Stevens' ARSE."

When asked if he had comments on the study, Ted Stevens shouted, "No!"

This study follows recent ARSE findings that a marriage is between one man and one woman. Its long-awaited study on global warming has not been released because, association officials said, the data is still out.