Bush's Renewable Energy Platform

In a Monday speech, President Bush rolled out a new proposal for renewable energy. According to the President energy can be generated by burning a resource known as "the Constitution."

"What is the Constitution?" the President asked. "It's like a weed. It keeps cropping up all over the place and getting in the way of the things you need to get done. Down in Texas, we trample all over it every day. But it burns great! If you don't mind burning the Constitution, you can get all kinds of power."

"There are lots of options for renewable energy," Bush added. "For instance, we could make detainees run on giant hamster wheels. Or we could turn a water mill with the tears of people who hate America."

According to conservative jurists, the Constitution is not a bio-fuel or fossil fuel because it is not and never has been alive. According to Attorney General Gonzales the Constitution is long, quaint document that is really too boring and tedious for most people to read, particularly the fourth through eighth, and fourteenth amendments. In fact, he would not recommend reading past Article II on executive power.

A number of Democrats criticized Bush's plans to burn the Constitution for energy, arguing that liberals had been stretching and expanding the Constitution for years and that nobody should be able to burn the Constitution until a Democrat was President. Conservative Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia countered, "Show me where in the Constitution it says that you can't burn the Constitution."