How to Gamble Like a Man

Gambling, as everybody knows, is essentially a sport of luck. And as everybody knows, luck favors the bold. If you're ever feeling a financial pinch, here are some pointers you can follow to help you gamble like a man. Your financial situation will never be the same.

You can't win if you fold

Gambling is essentially about knowing your math. As the saying goes, you have to know when to hold them and when to fold them. The answer is easy. You win some of the time if you stay in, but you never win if you quit. Your chances of winning are better if you never fold—so play the odds. Winners never quit.

Here's another bit of math to help you. Suppose there are five players and everybody puts in $20. You get $100 if you win and lose $20 if you lose. You can either win or lose—it's like a coin flip, fifty-fifty. A fifty percent chance at $100 is worth $50. A fifty percent chance of losing $20 only costs $10. On an average hand, it you expect to win $40! It may not happen every time, but if you play enough, it will average out in the end. Do the math.

Know when you're on

Some nights, luck will be with you. The roulette wheel will stop where you need it to stop. The dice will fall how you need them to fall. You are on. Don't be afraid to take some risks—the gods of luck are watching over you and nothing can go wrong. Whatever you do, don't cash out your chips. You know you're on tonight—but your luck could turn tomorrow. Win while the winning is good.

Know when you're due

Other nights, things won't go as well from you. Your chip stack dwindles, then disappears. Then your bank account dwindles and disappears. You consider giving up, crawling home in shame, and telling your wife and kids that Santa got arrested for DUI so there won't be any Christmas this year. This is your opportunity! Remember, luck favors the bold. So long as you have a home you can mortgage, you're not out yet. Bet more aggressively. Take a few risks—you're guaranteed to win. After so many losses, you're due.

Use the hot dice

Once in a while, one set of dice will win more often than another because they are hot. Make sure you use those dice. Additionally, blow on the dice and shake them a lot before you actually roll. This might add a bit of warmth to them and make them even hotter. Eventually, they will use up all their wins and you'll need to let them rest for a bit. Stack them neatly on the edge of the table and make absolutely sure nobody uses those dice for a while. Explain that they are resting.

Throw good money after bad

They call it "good" money because it's accurate. It's like a boomerang—it will come back to you, and it will bring back everything you lost.

Don't stop believing

Be loyal to luck and luck will be loyal to you. Never doubt your luck, or it will abandon you. You will win with this roll. You will finish your inside straight on the river. If it doesn't happen, don't blame your luck. Blame yourself. You didn't believe hard enough.

Editor's note: If anything in this article made you think, "Yeah, that's absolutely right," or "That makes a lot of sense," never go near a casino. Ever.