Indiana
Can you name three cities in Indiana? How about your friends? Try a fun game sometime—get everybody you know in a room and see how many cities in Indiana you can name. Can you get five? I can. This is because I spent a disappointingly long time driving across the Indiana Turnpike yesterday.
This resolves one of philosophy’s great debates. Indiana definitively does exist. At least some roads exist. These roads make the Indy 500 possible.
In order to write an unbiased view, I collected a number of other people’s opinions on Indiana.
Marco:Never been there.
Tiff:I just know a song about it from The Music Man.
This brings me to the secondmost well-known fact about Indiana. There is a song about Gary, Indiana in The Music Man. Professor Harold Hill claims to be from Gary, Indiana. He knew that nobody would investigate this claim, because nobody would want to go to Gary, Indiana to investigate.
In all fairness to Indiana, it’s definitely... stable. I have full confidence that Indiana will continue to exist in much the same manner for many, many years.
Roads
From my random sampling, the roads were about 50% under construction. Rather, orange barrels narrowed the highway to one lane and caused traffic to slow or stop. There didn’t seem to be any actual construction happening. It took me about four hours to drive 120 miles on the toll way.
Scenery
If you come from Illinois or Ohio, you’ve already seen a corn field. Indiana has nothing left to offer.
State Nickname
The “Hoosier State”? What exactly is a “Hoosier”?
Webster’s Revised Unabridged DictionaryHoo"sier, n. A nickname given to an inhabitant of the State of Indiana.
Hmmm. Still no clue what it means, but it rhymes with boozer, loser, and abuser.
Shape
When the cartographer was drawing Indiana on the map, he initially thought he would use an appropriately boring rectangle. Midway through drawing the rectangle, he fell asleep, producing the unsightly squiggle at the bottom:
Value
$4.15—What gives them the nerve to say that their state is worth $4.15? Can you name one thing in Indiana worth $4.15? I didn’t think so.
Overall
Driving across Indiana...sucked, earning it an overall rating of 0 and a place on the Suck List. For every New York there is a New Jersey. For every Chicago—Indiana.