Democrats take Senate

The Democratic party has taken control of the Senate, according to key insiders from and announcements from the number-two, number-three, and number-four television news networks.

"It's a mandate," said senior Democratic political analyst Benjamin W. Larrimer. "The voters overwhelmingly have almost probably barely given the Democrats the Senate."

The Democrats in the highly contested seats have already accepted their wins and started to demand policy changes.

"At some point, it has to be called," Larrimer continued. "The American people have a Constitutional right to the freedom of having election outcomes declared as quickly as possible."

The U.S. Supreme Court anticipates possible disagreement by the opposing candidates. According to Supreme Court press secretary Marina Fedner, "Our democracy depends on rapid elections."

Fedner cited the Called It First Act (CIFA) of 2000. "[The CIFA] has established this mandate, and the Supreme Court will uphold precedent should this case fall in our hands."

"Without such legal pioneering as the CIFA and the SSOE [Shotgun Significant-Other Exception of 1987]," said Fedner, "the Supreme Court would be overwhelmed with frivolous cases that would prevent us from protecting the best democracy in the world."

Representatives from the Republican party had not yet returned phone calls from at the time of this story's publication.

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